Zora Portia and the death that seems to follow her

Aurora “Zora” Portia (door of dawn)is an aasimar in her fortieth year of life. She looks at least half her age with her caramel hair, honeyed skin and topaz eyes. Her beauty leaves many awestruck and speechless, and it has from birth. Her topaz eyes seem to see into your soul and her lips, once so easy to come to a smile, remain full and beautiful despite being in a constant straight , serious line.

As a child, Aurora (called Ari by her parents and friends) charmed all who were close. Nonetheless, when people looked a bit closer or longer she felt otherworldly - could one be this perfect? This flawless? This beautiful? Could a being seemingly worthy of a pedestal be fully accepted? Fully understood?

Those insightful enough wondered about it, most though could never quite put their finger on why Aurora was to be looked at, but not to be invited over…
Her elderly parents - Fael and Shahin - called her their miracle child, their fairy changeling. Shahin had borne many stillborn children before her Aurora made her life bright. Fael and Shahin were devoted to their child - even when she seemed a bit too insightful, too knowing… too much for a child.
Aurora only knew love, care and tenderness from her parents. Harder then was the blow when they died.
Haaraah was a snowy, peaceful village before the deaths first started. Folk there had suffered in the past and thus were industrious and now quite content living a quiet and simple life.

At first, only the elderly died so it was accepted and expected. Soon though the deaths intensified.

Aurora was fifteen when no one was alive to call her Ari anymore. Both Fael and Shahin went out hunting to never return. Numerous were the tears Aurora cried. She had never felt such intense pain. She still had a roof over her head, but she had no one to welcome her home.

Fael, in his youth, had been a soldier and from an early age trained Aurora in the arts of the sword, strategy and stealth. She was a quick student, eager to please her dad, and curious to learn how to perfectly move her body in order to land a striking blow.

After her parents died, and soon ten other elders who had gone hunting, folk from Haaraah became fearful. Aurora started working as a bodyguard in order to earn money. Initially, she just happened to be putting up traps in the woods when she heard sounds of a scuffle, ran over making enough noise to scare away whatever might be attacking the woman whose screams she heard and saw Matfrid lying unconscious over a fallen tree trunk. There was no enemy in sight. Whatever had attacked the woman had left her in a stupor when Aurora came.

With patience and care, Aurora woke Matfrid up and slowly took her back to the village. Matfrid and her family were new to Haaraah. She had been recently widowed and decided to move her children to a new place, where fewer memories of a beloved husband and father would torment her family. Aurora only met her family then. There were Humbert and Rathar, the twin toddler boys, Maura, a busy girl of twelve, and Emmon, who seemed to be close in age to Aurora herself.

From the moment this luminous young woman saved their mother, the Proudlight family dubbed Aurora a miracle worker to be cherished and cared for; and none was as efficient at that as Emmon. They made a pretty pair, her with her caramel skin and topaz eyes, him with his ebony skin, dark curls and bright green eyes. A pretty pair and an inseparable one. Together, Ari and Noct (as she dubbed him), cared for the Proudlights and Aurora, once again, was called Ari by people who cared for her and eventually came to love her.

While Ari spent more and more time with her surrogate family, people in Haaraah kept dying. Ari’s prowess saving Matfrid spread far and wide and she was able to easily support herself by helping others navigate stretches of the woods. Every time someone died Ari knew. She would have the same dream, every single time:

As if conjured from thin air, a gentle being with pupiless eyes stood in front of her. They would stare at her intently, a sensation similar to butterflies in her stomach would take hold of her. The being would then turn their face away, nod and turn their gaze toward her again; a grimace is clearly visible. They let out a deep sigh, before walking away.

Aurora came to fear this simple dream as in sleep it meant only curiosity, and in reality it meant loss and death. She always felt she should follow the being somewhere, but never knew how.

Aurora loved helping others and loved her ‘bodyguard’ job, but as the deaths rose in number no one could pretend the situation was not critical anymore. Mercenaries started showing up to Haaraah in look of a kill that would bring them legendary fame. Now anyone who ventured in the woods was at risk. The village, once quiet, became a grim place full of fear, anger and resentment. The darkness was contagious. Aurora tried hard not to feel the rage all around. Noct helped her with his easy smiles and twinkling eyes. He was indeed her light. And then the twins died.

When Humbert and Rathar died Matfrid gave up. She could not deal with the blow and lost her mind. She bought herbs to put herself asleep forever, baked a cake with them and ate it. She died before seeing Maura licking the bowl with some dough and dying as well. In the span of a week, Noct lost his entire family and became full of a hurtful bitterness. He became reckless and looked for revenge.

Aurora was fearful he would end up dying. She was heartsick of so much death. She could not lose Emmon, her one true friend, her light. She then decided to act before he could and gathered a party of ten other young villagers (she was not desperate enough to pair up with mercenaries) to hunt and kill whatever it was that was causing so much loss. They were young and vowed to only stop when they avenged their lost ones.

It was not a successful quest. After months of no action, nine of them were killed in a single night. A few hours using one of her strategies led nearly all of them to death. Aurora had nothing left in her. All she managed to do was take an unconscious Emmon back to the village while desperately praying for his life.

She left her Noct on the door of the last healer of Haaraah and then left the village. She could not cope with any more death. She could not help but feel that no one was safe close to her, at times she felt like death herself.

*

For twenty years Aurora, now Zora, lived alone far North on the opposite edge of the woods that took so much from her. She would go months without speaking or seeing another human being. She hunted, she ran, she built… she tried to reacquaint herself with an existence with no death.

She was bitterly lonely, though not once thought of leaving. She was sure she was cursed and she could not be responsible for others’ deaths again. Most of all, she was ashamed she was still alive.

Aurora had a routine dictated by the nature around her - winter, spring, summer, autumn. She tried finding peace in the cycles she witnessed. She paid dearly for paper and registered her thoughts and memories trying to come to terms with the understanding that all life, one day, must end.

She had been alone for two decades (though barely looked a year over twenty) when she rescued a wolf cub. Or maybe he rescued her.

As soon as the cub was strong enough they left her small cabin. Aurora was never sure why exactly she finally left - all she knew was that her hungers could not be satiated in isolation anymore.

Very nice! get that benny!

Entry 121

Chief Derrick Hands us our reward while I continue asking myself what I am doing here, why am I close to these people? At times, I feel absolutely complete by once again being around people and hearing them talk, laugh, sing… the issue is that it soon feels like all the stimuli is attacking my senses - it has been exhausting, draining. Penumbra says it’s worth it, he says we need a pack.
I am not sure anyone is pack worth here.
We got back to the Tipsy Tap and shared some ale and our coin. Nirith now has a bird. Penn was more curious than anything else - the good fortune of being a pup. Fridda does not seem to enjoy all these animals around and I don’t get why - they are better behaved than the drunkard by the corner table.
We were having a pleasant moment there until Faëlyn got the Ehru out and played. It was majestic music and it made me feel feelings that I had thought long dead. It was uncomfortable and if he had continued for much longer I would have just left. I could feel the music all over my body. By the end my skin was tingling and I felt on fire, despite the mellow cadence of the notes. His music felt as meaningful as the air I breathe - I hated feeling that.
Not much after I left with Estos. He is an intriguing man, very gentleman-like. My mum would have liked him.
He invited me to sleep over at his place and as Penn was not truly welcomed at Fridda’s it seemed a good option. His mum and sister were welcoming and the simple place and family routine tugged at my heart strings. It made me miss my childhood home and I dreamt all night long about my woods and golden rays of light piercing the foliage of the tall trees.
I was determined, on the following day, to avoid feelings and just get through the day, maybe look for a job or some occupation while getting used to having people around. I was very much mistaken on how the day would proceed…
Everything after Gertrude’s screams seems a haze. I don’t recall much and it feels almost like I was not my true self, that I was controlled by another… She screamed and I left all my caution going after the butcher, Havi. I ran and ran with near a glance at Penn to check if he was keeping up. We found death, fire, destruction. I should not have felt as deeply as I did then, I should not have nearly crumbled with the pain I felt from the charred bodies… I should be better used to this… death remains all around me, after all. But no, I did feel a lot and I got angry and reckless. I hid when needed but mostly I just created more death. I used my sword and in what felt like little to no time two centaurs had perished under the weight of my blade. Death is all around me.
Estos, Havi and even the weird Faëlyn seemed to do well enough for themselves and while so did Nirith she was hurt. She has something self destructive inside, that one does. Estos helped her. Faëlyn made a mess of her. I tried making her hurt less, I tried compensating for all the death.
I write this after having cleaned my blade. I hold the black moon necklace in one hand and pen this with the other. What a day! There is definitely more ahead and I might still have centaur blood on my face...

Benny from last session.

Entry

Zora walked through the city in a hazed state. She did not understand where the sudden panic she felt came from and that scared her nearly as much as the image of the feline. Was that Havi? How could that be Havi?
For a day she walked with no north. Penn whined softly at her side. She walked as if numb. There was no allegiance here. She did not owe those people anything! Still… she felt a pull. A pull towards the forest. A pull towards them and the monster Havi became.
She found a pond and slept by its shore, under the stars. She felt too caged in her head and hoped the bright sparkling amidst the clouds would free her. Zora dreams of a shooting star coming at her, getting closer and closer. When it is so close she can feel a freezing energy, she hears “Aurora, no more running”.
When the sun is out and the bird starts tweeting, they find Zora and Penn already deep in the forest. She cannot run anymore. She cannot hide from her fears. She walks with Penn through the forest towards those very strange people, towards Havi. Is he still Havi?

Entry

Havi is dead and a part of me is glad. It is the coward part that I want to kill from inside my heart. I need to kill it.
I wonder if those mysterious lights/beings can guide me to that path as they did to my friends(?). Are they my friends?
Well, they are not bad. It might be ok to like them. And I want to make Nutty my friend, I want to live in a world that a being is so willing to help others. I want to make them my friends, I think.
-
When Zora closes her eyes and falls asleep she hears that mellifluous voice from past nights “Aurora... Aurora... Fly, Aurora.” and she sees golden light even in the middle of the darkest night.
She scratches her cheek sleeping and doesn’t see it, but she is peeling off, shedding her skin as a snake in transformation. And the new skin underneath is golden as her dream.

Background

I don’t remember the sound of my own voice. I have been alone in the woods for so long. I am hiding from my shame - I know that now.
I am also trying to find who I am. My parents are gone. My few (one?) childhood friends is in his mid-years. Noct is probably married and is the head of a family.The bliss of having someone not judge you, of his sweet acceptance and joyful curiosity are part of my very being… Is he even alive? Or has my failure killed him too?

BG


The woods feel momentous today. I can feel light and dreams on my fingertips. That makes me calm on the outside and restless inside. Maybe I should go hunting, my stocks are low.
-
First I heard its whining. No. That 's not true. First I felt it. I wandered deep into the woods, deeper than wise… It just seemed my feet knew where to take me. I walked for countless hours; and then I heard it. A tiny cry for help. It was alone, cold, hungry and powerfully calling me.
A wolf cub. So dark its fur seems to gleam under the moonlight. I brought it home. It sleeps on my bed right now and I have a warm heart and a foolish grin as well. I never thought some of my internal holes would be filled in by a tiny, lone predator.

BG

I turn forty today. I feel less than eighteen and more than one hundred years old. It seems cub was the present life chose to give me. It follows me around and it listens to my voiceless commands. His name is Penumbra. I call him Penn. He told me his mum was gone before naming him so he named himself.
-
Penn makes my days brighter. Penn makes me question my isolation. His hungers are primitive, natural… My hungers, on the other hand, he says, are not. Or rather, he says we still do not truly know what I hunger for.

BG

I hoped the nightmares were behind me . I was wrong.

Tonight I tasted death and ash again. I recalled my arrogance and naivité.

I cost the lives of 9 men. 10 men?

I feel their deaths within me.

Entry

“You’re the seventh I guide.”
“The last one helped defeat Varkatosh.”
“You must be a force of good, destroy evil, follow the signs.”
“Destroy the evil northwest.”

What am I?

I don’t know when I began.
Was it when I first felt untethered and disconnected from those around me? Or was it when all my emptiness seemed to be filled in by everyone and everything else?
I feel so very old and yet I am not sure I have begun. Have I truly lived so far?
I know I have died. I have died one big death and from then on I have died a thousand daily deaths. Haven’t I?
How do I truly figure out if I have actually begun? If I have ever lived… Or if since being born all I do is die?
I don’t know.
I feel heavy - as if I knew much. Truly, though, all I know is my own ignorance.

What am I?

I had faith. I followed the signs. I made others bid me, they killed for me!!! Why? It was evil. She feels it. She knows it. Ithuriel said so. That is reality, isn’t it?

What am I?

I . Have . Wings.

What am I?

“You’re the seventh I guide.”
“You’re the seventh I guide.”
“You’re the seventh I guide.”
“You’re the seventh I guide.”
“You’re the seventh I guide.”
“You’re the seventh I guide.”
What am I?

As Zora, unconsciously, cocoons herself with her new wings, she dives deep into a spiral of thoughts. She cannot get out.

whatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatami
whatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatami
whatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatami
whatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatami
whatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatami
whatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatami
whatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatamiwhatami

My mind still feels in a haze at times. Most of the time, actually. Since Ithuriel’s visit I feel as if on the verge of an extraordinary discovery, or as if I were on the edge of a cliff about to fall… I wouldn’t fall though, I’d fly.
Flying is so liberating it scares me. I have never been more alive than when I fly.

--------------

Brad is dead.

Nirith killed him.

Brad is dead.

What are we doing? How did this happen?
Penn feels her pain and shellshock. What did she do?

We are down to our initial numbers. Everyone else is dead or left. It makes me wonder whether we are on the right path or not. It makes me hesitate.

We had marching days - through Northern Bell, Sisterspine. People pretend not to see me at best, I am concerned about the worst that I feel coming... It is difficult to be winged - I feel so exposed. And in a way, so very alone.

In Sisterspine, Nirith had word (through a magic parchment, it seems) that her mum might be in danger and our somewhat languid stroll then became a more urgent march. We made a deal with Aerild, a fellow (drunkard) traveller to take OX to Merim for us and cut through the woods.

I now know some things:
- Nutty doesn’t like rocks. He did not appreciate meeting Gem at all.
- Nutty cannot take a watch by themselves. I do not want to be bitten again.
- Ithuriel is my friend.

I feel churning emotions inside me about this last one. I need to think about them some more to make sense of their meaning.
We should reach our destination soon. Big city life awaits...